I am a Year 4 student at Papakura Central School in Auckland, NZ. I am in Room 12 and my teacher is Miss Izelle. This is a place where I will share my learning. Please note that some of it will not be complete, it will be my first draft. Remember to be positive, thoughtful and helpful when you leave me a comment.
Hi Quinn, your action shot really captured the highlight of scoring a goal. You are beginning to use some precise verbs, such as swing, dribbles, smashes. Keep this up! Besides from the word cheered, you can try celebrated, roared, sang.
Great to see that you are using speech marks to add dialogue. Remember to use a comma in front of your speech marks - The speaker said, "The winner is... white team". Make sure all sentences begin with a capital letter as well.
Great use of the metaphor 'he was a cheetah'. I can sense that the soccer player was running very fast.
See if you can use the show not tell strategy to describe emotions. When the soccer player scored, he must have been so excited. You could write - He punched his fists in the air and shouted in victory.
Hi Quinn, your action shot really captured the highlight of scoring a goal. You are beginning to use some precise verbs, such as swing, dribbles, smashes. Keep this up! Besides from the word cheered, you can try celebrated, roared, sang.
ReplyDeleteGreat to see that you are using speech marks to add dialogue. Remember to use a comma in front of your speech marks - The speaker said, "The winner is... white team". Make sure all sentences begin with a capital letter as well.
Great use of the metaphor 'he was a cheetah'. I can sense that the soccer player was running very fast.
See if you can use the show not tell strategy to describe emotions. When the soccer player scored, he must have been so excited. You could write - He punched his fists in the air and shouted in victory.
All in all, really great effort Quinn!